it’s late and it’s quiet in my house.
i just confessed to my housemate.

[ It might have gone this way, the conversation, if we were both still teen girls. ]

“I have a confession to make. I like this boy, but he’s from Craigslist.”
“Well, do you like him?”
“Yes.”
“Well if you like him, you like him. Right?”

Right.

it’s late and I just had a chocolate attack.
Precipitated by herbal meds.
Exacerbated by the fact that I fear the anhedonia has begun again.
So one Twix, Nestle’s Crunch and half a Hershey bar later,
I’m wired, tired, awake and sexually frustrated.

That’s just today though.
I don’t know why.

As of late that problem seemed to have abated
Magic words so simple
Unlocking, unleashing me

Let go
Open up
Give yourself to me

This is where I feel the beginning of the release
The Gordian knot in my head begins to unravel
and with it am I unraveled
Rolling loose with unbound black hair unfurling
Something within leaps, jumps, hurls itself
with abandon into the oblivion.
The dendrite fires and reaches, stretches electric
bridging the synapse
Shudders, seizures of soft tiny shocks
suck suck softly sweet
crescendo crescendo fermata
gush. pulse. pulse. pulse.

Floating, hanging out on that post cum cloud
Petite Morte
Post cum cloud I could be in reality, in the backseat of a car,
a dark corner, on a blanket in a meadow, wherever – still luxurious.

Open my eyes to focus above me
Eyes curious and dark with passionlust
Lips curled into a smile
Making me shy
Making me want
Making me realize that it’s not even over.
In fact, it’s just begun.

Feeding time for the Kitty.
Zapping time for my Synapse.
Kissing time for my little mouf.

Is it very bad?
That I am a girl, that I am a woman,
that I am soft and yielding
not always brash and aggressive.

I wonder now, if I could ever be a true Master.
I have the mentality, I think
But not the patience.

So much more content in my infintesimal head.
but. . . motor skills . . .vocabulary . . . degenerating.
As I walk up to the cuts of Sleepy Time village.

It’s late and later now. Or early rather.
Long day in office drag tomorrow.

I need stimulus.