Saturday, June 9

I chose, and my world was shaken -- so what?
The choice may have been mistaken
the choosing was not.
You have to move on.

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be.
Look at all the things you've done for me:
Opened up my eyes
Taught me how to see
Notice every tree!
Understand the light!
Concentrate on now!
I want to move on . . .
I want to explore the light.
I want to know how to get through
through to something new
Something of my own

I know when the break up is starting to kick in when
the song lyrics of my life start to come alive.
I apologize though. I know it's Sondheim.
But I am tied to the American musical theatre, so I can't help it.

Going to Santa Cruz this weekend for the college grads.
Home of my heart. Where Hugo lives.
But I don't anticipate seeing him.
Ex boy will be in town also, a convergence that happens every year.
Like Homecoming.

This time, I will be alone.
No man to hold my hand.
And I will be fine.

The young man in my life has opted out.
Right person? Perhaps.
Wrong Time? For me, yes.

Love is patient, Love is kind.
Never proud, never boastful.

Old Bible verses from Sunday school,
the little framed verses in my grandmother's house.
Say these things about Love.

I can see this, but where is the whole Truth?

that Love is twisted, and sometimes wrong.
Love is painful and fills you with longing.
Love is a weapon and a threat
Love is a nightmare and a lovely dream
Love breaks you down.

All that could have been.
I guess the whole concept of
a Lifetime in A Minute with Many
doesn't work out very smoothly.
If we only have so much time in this world . .

shit I don't know.
It's not about the sex even.
It's not about the dick-down.
The falling sensation
Being zapped on the grid
Being found on the grid

Ethereal.
Ephemeral too, I guess.
Like streamingmedia.

Passionate love affairs
the kind that develop from
stone cold fucking
Which take place less than one month after
the end of a 3 year relationship.

Recipe for a RollerCoaster.

And I say love affairs because my encounters are
not casual.
When my chaos touches someone else’s chaos,
the ensuing maelstrom is profound.
Leaves you with wishes, fledgling hopes shot down,
hot memories, a taste of tenderness lingering in your mouth.

But if I have enough matter to attract you into my orbit
and you have enough matter to keep my in your orbit
then we wait and see, for that intersection again
Alignment

I believe in that.
That may be the only thing I believe in.