Friday. One week since last Thursday. Friday morning when I saw Hugo last.
Friends ask how I am. I recount, in the abridged version, the latest developments.

Are you okay? They all say, dripping with concern.
I think so, I say. Either I'm just not tragic about this since I've been emotionally
moved out for awhile, or I'm numb and in some serious denial.

This weekend will be a weekend of reinvention, if I have enough time.
Enough time to cut off all this damn hair.
Find some new shoes.
Buy some new bras.
Get a manicure and a pedicure.
And a massage.
Hot tubs?

Treat myself.

Kissing is really therapeutic, I think.
Now I just need to get in some burly games of Scrabble
with a worthy opponent.

Been communicating with Hugo via email.
Sounds like he's all froze up.
I won't prod him for tenderness.
Maybe he can't afford it.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I'm closing ranks and the network of
beautiful friendships blaze vibrant with support.

I have not really been that lonely.
Except the nights.
Which I have not spent with any lovers.
Sometimes a girlfriend.
But I'm in mourning.

And I'll be back out there soon anyway.
The weather makes me feel playful, childish, energetic and frisky.
Almost young again.

Last night I went out with my lesbian girlfriend.
Sushi with her and 2 friends.
Cafe Flore for coffee and catty chat.
The Cafe for dancing and for cruising the gay scene.
I'm the only straight one amongst the friends she runs with.
An honor for sure.

Drunk blonde girl with long hair trying to make eye contact.
I close my eyes, lose myself in the rhythms.
Dance till my tummy hurts.
Blonde is moving, dancing near me.
There's a space for her to move in.
She's just watching me, probably wondering about the
nature of my proximity to my girlfriend, who is clearly
popular within the entire gay community.
A fleeting glance I look over while dancing
until the Vibekiller -- the Lilith Fair t-shirt that she's wearing.

Trying to put some time space and silence between Hugo and me.
He probably needs it more than I do.

More to come, later today.