Soup is cooking.

A question though:

To achieve a fully satisfying sexual relationship with a partner,
is it necessary to have the sub/dom switch element?
In the sense of being attuned to each other's needs and desires,
playing them out in a safe place where you can lead or be led,
punish and reward, be violent and tender?

going to that maybe dark and secret place?
trusting deeply
being understood
being accepted
not having to be ashamed of what you want, because you need it.
Shame may even be a part of what you need.
working it out till you get that release
then being kissed tenderly afterwards

what is it that men can't communicate effectively to women?
what is it that women need to say to men?
where's the glitch in the communication?
when did we become shy to say?

my first lover thought porn was dirty. Not in a good way.
I had been involved with pornography since I was 8.
I hid the childhood desires then. Because I was taught my urges were sinful.
So I hid again, in that first taste of lovemaking, I was already repressing what I really wanted to ask for.

And so I learned to not ask.
And just wished and hoped that someday . . .well, you know the rest.