Twilight and I am in another world.
tiger stripes from the blinds on naked skin.
voices from the outside.
paintings on the wall.
the sound of my own moaning and gasping.

"what about what you want?"

Kitty is being coaxed out to play.

I wonder suddenly why I am here.
Why I have totally dissociated the remorse.
Why I have allowed myself to reduce my whole universe
at this moment to the sensation of having my clit
slowly, lusciously, softly but insistently, sucked.

Why? or How?

Hedonists rejoice. My pleasure center has taken over.
The split is clean. I lick the blade.

Stress, issues, all external baggage, melting away forming the puddle beneath me soaking the sheets.
I do not really know who I am. I don't want to know.
I don't need to know.

In the mirror I see myself soft, undefined, out of focus.
Pliable. Resilient. Young.

26 and true love has not proved it's truth.
Plenty of marriage material, plenty of adoration, sex, and
phases of being in love, obsession, sport fucking, sex
games that ruin friendships, unrequited passion and
extreme fantasies for/of male authority figures,
selected celebrities and cartoon characters, Lolita
complex, asian fetish complex, some bdsm -- 26 years
and no definitive answers, just plenty of options.
Not a complaint.

I've been fortunate I guess. I "bloomed" kind of late,
was a pristine pricktease all throughout high school,
lost my virginity at 18, was monogamous until I got to
college at 21. Even then I chose my partners -- unwittingly,
or perhaps only subconsciously, for their potential
contributions to the gene pool of an offspring.

Just in case.

I have dated grade A pricks who only showed their beautiful and soft sides with me, who offered me
plenty of security and dependability and stamina -- young male muscle cars for me to drive.
With healthy engines.

Cock sucking wasn't something I learned to enjoy until
I was about 21. A guy I worked with. 6 ft. 5. To this
day the tallest man I have ever slept with. Not a
monstrous cock, but smooth and not too wide and easily
erectable, luscious spongetip, well proportioned to
his body.

Me -- remember I am still only barely 5 ft tall
(although these days I wear space boots, boots or
platforms for a few extra inches) -- at the time I was
barely 115 lbs -- he was easily over 200 lbs.

Ed. Note: DJ, what's up with you and the Big Meaty
Men?

When he fucked me he would toss me around, pick me up
and bounce me on him, pin me to the wall, or simply
sit back and let me ride him like a wild bunny.

Why I enjoyed fellating this young man:

a) shape, size, etc. of his dick
b) newfound sexual freedom
c) he went weak and helpless when I sucked him
d) I could crawl between his legs in the morning, or
at night, and he would caress my head while I sucked
on him like a blind baby animal
e) the way he talked to me while my mouth was on him
really wet my brainhole

However, he was the first One to violate the "You're
gonna tell me before you cum right?" verbal contract.
I would suck on him until my jaw hurt. He'd play with
me while I did this. Talking to me the whole time.
Then he stopped talking, and felt the pulsing in my
mouth. First boy to ever bust a nut down my throat.

I was so surprised of course I ended up swallowing it
all. And when he finally took his hands from my head,
he had a big grin on his face. I got up and pinched
him hard on his inner thigh. As he squealed I drew
myself up, indignant.

- I thought you said you were going to tell me
before!!!? I said.

He was laughing so hard I could hardly keep my mad
face on.

- I'm sorry, I couldn't help it -- it felt too good.
He quirks a brow. Why? Didn't you like it? Hmm?

He was stroking my breasts and kissing my neck.

- Hmm? You took my load all the way down your throat,
like a good girl.

Me, I'm shivering again. He knew my spots; the
undersides of my tits, my flanks, the back of my neck,
my shoulders, the backs of my knees, my inner thighs.

- Nnnmmph. Mmmm.
Just me, gasping and moaning.

- Are you mad? he asked as he pulled me on to him,
shifting me, sliding under me so he could lick me
while I rode his face. He was licking me. Are you mad?

- Noo.. I'm not . . mad.